Wednesday, October 5

This 'n' That

Yeah, I'm still here. This post begins and ends with the sound of hissing steam. We'll get to that in a bit.

While I'd like to say I've been especially busy and unable to post an update, that would be quite a falsehood. As a good friend told me a while back, if nothing's going on, there's nothing to write about. So, yes, nothing's going on.

Well, other than coming to grips with having a disability.

I've had quite a battle in figuring out what to do with the rest of my life. Being unable to do what I was doing previously. And part of the battle is how, exactly, to write about it.

I'm on medical disability, that much is certain. But it won't last forever, at least from the source it's coming from now. Rather soon I'll have to figure out where my next source of income comes from.

And that scares the living sh!t out of me.

After two surgeries and drops for the rest of my life, the glaucoma has been arrested. But I cannot drive at night, and after today's activities of driving Marilee to a doctor's appointment, I found that driving in the rain is sketchy as well, what with the glare off the wet pavement.

Oh, and pay no attention to my driver's license coming due in January.

So Marilee and I have been keeping each other company for the last two-and-a-half months. Time which normally would have dragged on for-ev-er but now seems to fly by. We haven't quite driven each other too crazy; we go for drives, and for the last two weekends have given a dear friend some free time by taking her Alzheimer husband on day trips.

Yeah, we don't have it that bad.

Back to the sound of hissing steam. Actually, it never left.

As I write this - this, right now - it is midnight early Thursday AM. I've just been in bed trying to sleep for the last two hours or so. And now typing to you all.

That hissing steam sound has been between my ears for ever since my surgeries - aka ringing in the ears or tinnitus. I went to an Instacare a week or so ago; they said I'd need to go to a otolaryngologist - an ear, nose and throat specialist. My appointment is next Thursday. Most days it's background white noise, but tonight it's loud, Really loud.

Before I'd gone to the Instacare, Marilee and I agreed it was probably OK to go off my anti-anxiety meds, since I was no longer anxiety-prone; there was little chance of someone coming up behind me with a gun while working on [expletive deleted]'s ATM's. Yeah, I never mentioned that here. Didn't think it was necessary.

So I went off of them gradually, over a three-week period. And literally bit Marilee's head off with pointless verbal barbs. And promptly, gradually, went back on them. Asked the Instacare MD if that could be the cause, since I was on the downhill slide off of them at the time. "Not likely," he said, but more likely was the aspirin I take for cardiac health. Went off of those for two weeks without any difference.

Now, after poking around on the interwebs for a few days, find that any change in pressure - any pressure - can cause tinnitus. Grand - now I have a choice: loss of hearing or loss of sight.

I'll try to write more between now and next Thursday, but don't count on it.

Hopefully I'll soon be able to see through the steam cloud.
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